Why does saying ‘no’ feel so difficult sometimes?  Using the word ‘no’ can make us feel as if we are being selfish.  We question ourselves as to how we can put our own needs first when there is someone in front of us who tells us that they need our help.

What happens when you only say yes…

If you have been taught to be helpful – to always say yes to any request for help – you may find yourself as the first port of call for help from work colleagues, friends and family.  And, maybe, this is because they recognise you as someone who is uncomfortable with saying no.

The problem with always saying yes, when we sometimes want to say no, is that we eventually burn out.  Our high levels of stress from never having time to ourselves means we lack the energy to help anyone – not ourselves or anyone else.

What happens when you start to say no

Try to honestly say no to something that you don’t have time to do, or simply don’t want to do.  Remember that It’s OK to choose. It’s OK to use that time to do something which YOU want to do.

And then, when you choose to say yes to something, you can do it with a full heart!  You can do it with enthusiasm. You can get real satisfaction from getting the best results for a project.  Or from helping someone out


How to start saying no

My tip for you is to try practicing saying no.  Say no out loud in front of the mirror. Try some different phrases to see what feels comfortable for you in different situations.  For example ‘I’m afraid I can’t help you with that today…’. Use this if you can help out, but want to do it at a time convenient for you.  ‘Thank you for the invitation but I am going to pass…’. Use this when you simply want an evening for yourself.

For further reading about Emotional Intelligence

You don’t seek perfection

Being curious about people

If you get angry and impatient with yourself, using harsh words towards yourself that you wouldn’t say to a good friend, it’s time to start improving your relationship with you.

Download my free eBook now and learn 5 ways to stop beating yourself up today